For the first time in seemingly living memory, a Beehive game wasn’t played in blazing heat and scorching sunshine, as the most persistent heatwave I can remember since childhood, finally gave up its wicket and sulked off to a gloomy pub corner to reminisce about the good old days of sunburnt cricketers, warm beer, and dangerously cracked pitches.
The weather in Swindon at Nationwide’s pitch on Piper’s Way had turned decidedly wet, gloomy, and prematurely autumnal in protest for our match here tonight. Quite frankly, it was pissing it right down!
This was our first game against Nationwide, and considering they have two Saturday league sides and two in midweek competition, we were expecting the standard to be very high indeed. Unfortunately, it wasn’t, and I really should have paid more attention to the Casuals part of Nationwide Casuals team name.
Accordingly, Beehive put out an unnecessarily strong XI and, winning the toss, Andy Simmonds and new signing Simon Iles were sent out to open the batting.
Simmo, regaining his form after the disgrace of a first ball duck at White Horse, retired on 26* smashing four crunching boundaries and a six in the process off of just 12 balls. His opening partner excelled too. Simon Iles, dispelling initial reservations that he was just some random bloke that Wilson had bought garden furniture from, also didn’t take long to reach the retirement target of 25, launching the ball into the carpark for a massive maximum in the process.
Beehive’s only wicket fell in the 7th over as Malcolm Booy, promoted up the order to bat at three, was bowled by John for just four runs. Following Malcolm’s demise, the explosive run rate slowed a little as Luke somehow became the first Beehive player in recorded history to reach retirement without hitting a single boundary. Spending his innings instead selflessly running quick singles like he’d left a hot smouldering fart lingering behind at the wicket.
Seamer Kieran Cozens also promoted up the order, showed promise with the bat reaching 25 retirement heaving a huge six over deep midwicket. Sadly, his dad Reg wasn’t playing in this match as I’m sure he would have loved to have seen this. I’m fairly certain he was made aware of it almost immediately upon Kieran grabbing his phone from his kitbag however!
Sam ‘The Fox’ Dixon, returning from his triumphant Iron Man event with a ridiculous new tattoo to prove it, and Simon Vine finished 9* and 3* respectively as Beehive posted a commanding 146-1, helped in no small part by Nationwide conceding an astonishing 29 extras. There can’t be many games where Extras has actually outscored Andy Simmonds by three runs, but as we can’t really give a Man of the Match stein to the entire Nationwide bowling attack, we’ll probably just give it to Simmo instead as usual. In fact, we might as well just hand him the keys to the pub too while we’re at it!
Needing 147 to win, things did not look at all good for Nationwide and rapidly got worse with Scott Landis striking just five balls into the first over, bowling opener Dale for a duck.
An unexpected 45 partnership for the second wicket, though, saw Nationwide made a decent fist of it for the first half of their innings at least. James, the pick of the Nationwide bats, retired on 25* helping himself to five boundaries in the process. Captain Adam Huntley, signalled the beginning of the end, however, falling for just three runs trapped lbw by Simon Iles.
Although Mahendra struggled on to reach 22 before being bowled by Wilson, from here on, it was a simple case of collapse o’clock for Nationwide as they lost six wickets for 24 runs in the fading light.
Sujay, attempting a hearty swipe across the line, was caught by Mark Wilson off a Sam Dixon delivery for 6 before his replacement Jezzer was clean bowled for a duck just two balls later as Sam finished with figures of 2-10.
Simmo claimed the last two wickets in the final over, bowling Nitesh and Jimmer for ducks, in a double wicket maiden and claiming his Man of the Match stein with bowling figures of 3-2. The batsmen were possibly unnerved, however, by Wilson bizarrely bringing the field in for an unorthodox placement of eight slips and a gully. Certainly a change from Wilson’s usual three sips and a gulp.
Nationwide finished 95-9 losing to Beehive by 51 runs leading me to suspect that next summer they might just put out a slightly stronger side.
Next up The Saracen’s Head at home, if St Joseph’s School could ever be considered even remotely homely.
Beehive Cricket Club 